dealing with mom guilt.

Today was a pretty rough morning to say the least! As my sweet boy naps, I'm just sitting here and thinking about him and my feelings and having MAJOR mom guilt! I knew I had to open up my laptop and write these emotions down in a post and share them because I know every mom out there has had mom guilt before!

The accident
Yesterday, New York got his by a noreaster so I promised Cameron we would wake up and go sledding at the park this morning. We made plans with Cameron's best friend and we met them early so the boys could play in the snow. After an hour of fun we decided to head to Dunkin Donuts for some donuts and chocolate milk. We walked back to the parking lot, the roads were completely clear at this point. When we got back to the car, I had to get Cameron's snow pants off to get him into his car seat. I didn't feel like taking his boots off so I decided I was going to try and pull the pants down and off with the boots still on his feet. ( I really wasn't thinking much about this). He was standing in front of me right in front of my legs, we were both facing the same direction (so I was facing his back). I pulled the straps down off of his shoulders and I lifted up his foot and grabbed the pant from the bottom and yanked on it to pull it down. When I did this it caused Cameron to fly backwards. Since we were both wearing ski stuff he slid right through my legs and smacked the back of his head on the concrete. It was a sound like I had not ever heard before, I heard his head crack as it his the cement.  I remember thinking omg, please be okay, please be okay! I picked him up, he was screaming and crying, I was crying.. but most importantly he seemed okay. Luckily my friend was there to help me through this. I was shaking and so freaked out, that this could of happened. He has a small bump on the back of his head and it was red underneath the skin. I decided it was best we get to the hospital right away to get checked out after that kind of a fall and the sound I heard.  We were only a mile from the hospital, Thank god. Cameron stopped crying within minutes and was acting completely fine. They kept us at the hospital for sometime to keep an eye on him and sent us home when they decided that he was good!

Dealing with the mom guilt
I just can't seem to get the sound and thought out of my head. HOW could I let this happen!! Why was I not thinking?? How could I do something so stupid!! I'm having major mom guilt.  As a mom, your one job is to take care of this little human and to make sure nothing will happen to them and when something does it's hard to get past it. It eats away at you!  Sure Cameron is okay and I am so thankful for that!! But it's hard not to feel like I failed in that moment.

At the hospital, one of the nurses saw how upset I was and shared a story with me. It was basically the same situation, but it happened to her Granddaughter, on her watch. She said she lost sleep that night and couldn't stop thinking about the sound that she heard, she felt so guilty. When we got home, I decided to share what had happened with two of Cameron's friends moms. We were texting back and forth about it and both had told me not to beat myself up. They both tried to assure me that it happens to everyone, accidents happen!  Then we went back and forth sharing stories of stupid/silly mistakes we've made, accidents that have happened and scary situations we were put in. We all felt guilty and traumatized after the fact. It took some longer to get over it.

That really got me thinking how we as mothers, or fathers, make all sorts of mistakes. We aren't perfect and things happen. I'm always so nervous to leave Cameron with someone other than myself, because I'm nervous about something happening. I mean, I'm definitely the more cautious parent between chris and I  (he think's i'm a helicopter mom, I wouldn't say I'm that bad!) And an accident like today happened because of me. Sure it's hard not to feel upset, but we are human and accidents happen and we have to be thankful that nothing serious happened. We  can only do our best to protect our babies and learn from our mistakes to prevent an accident from happening again!

So I just thought I'd get on here and share my feeling today because it was weighing heavy on my heart. Expressing it on this post has definitely  helped and made me feel a bit better. The most important thing is to realize that it's okay, all is okay and it was an accident. Comment below if you have felt like I have today!! Remember, motherhood isn't easy and sometimes there are bumps in the road, but I'm here if anyone ever needs someone to talk to!

Thanks for reading this post!!